Ignorance is bliss. A little denial goes a long way. A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.

While these sayings have applicable merit, they can also perpetuate a kind of “addictive” thinking that is so prevalent in our culture: go for the short-term gain at the expense of long-term pain. Often, we fail to see the long-term effects of our choices, and then wonder why “bad things happen to us,” be it illness, financial hardships, or breakdown in relationships.

Conversely, making the switch to choose short-term pain in favor of long-term gain ultimately serves our growth and quality of life. Some examples include exercising now to promote long-term health, choosing to save money for something important rather than spend it on something frivolous or unnecessary, or investing in a relationship by having a difficult conversation rather than putting it off or avoiding it.

Note areas of your life where you are making choices that favor short-term gain in favor of long-term pain. Choose one specific decision, and switch it – ask yourself what “pain” you have been avoiding in this area, and be courageous enough to face it with the awareness that doing so will pay off in the long-term.

I often hear people speak about wanting something they don’t have. If they are single, they want to be in a relationship. If they are in a relationship, they aren’t sure if they want to be in it or not. They want to live somewhere else and complain about their current situation, they wish they had more money, a different body, or a new job. They might feel spiritually disconnected, yearning for a connection that are unable to obtain, or just stuck in a rut around an issue they are struggling with.

We all have our “if onlys”: if only I had x, if only y was different, if only he/she would. We spend our lives wishing for something or someone to be different, and seldom fully embrace and experience what we have, right now.

The dare for today is to accept your life exactly as it is, just for today. Relax into what is. Appreciate what you do have, rather than lament for what you don’t have. Experience the “now-ness” of your life, and notice how it feels to not need anything to be different.

This quote offers a deeper perspective:

“You always get what you want, what you really want, whether you’re willing to admit it or not. Your subconscious rightfully determines what energies, experiences you have and the people you attract. Therefore the only foolproof way to know what you really want, is to see what you have.”

Try on the possibility that, right now, you are getting exactly what you want. Appreciate your ability to create your life as it is. Only once you can accept your life as it is can you create or choose something different.

How many times have you been in an argument or had a discussion with someone who had different beliefs or viewpoints?

And, how many times in those scenarios have you tried to argue your side, prove your point, or point out how the other person was wrong?

What is there was even a grain of truth in what the other person was saying? What if, at the heart of their perspective, was common ground upon which both of you could stand? What if something new could emerge through the conversation?

Unfortunately, most of us never even bother to find out.

And so, ultimately, we lose. We miss out on the chance to connect with other people, we miss out on new perspectives and possibilities that could emerge through the creative tension, we miss out on the opportunity to actually learn something, and we miss out on an opportunity to create a cultural shift in how we relate to one another and work with our differences.

Today’s Dare? To actually listen to what another person has to say. To let them know that you understand what they are saying. To be curious as to why they’ve come to their beliefs, perspectives, and conclusions. To ask them questions so as to better understand and genuinely know more about who they are. To take them deeper into their experience and feelings so as to discover potential points of connection and shared humanity.

The even bigger challenge: to have the entire conversation without saying a word about your beliefs, opinions, or perspectives (and yes, that includes planning on resuming the conversation at a later time so you can get your two cents in, asking them “Zen-like” questions in an effort to point out the errs of their thinking, or interjecting with sarcastic “huhs”).

“Making a decision was only the beginning of things. When someone makes a decision, he is really diving into a strong current that will carry him to places he had never dreamed of when he first made the decision.” ~ Paulo Coelho

Today marks the day of me standing in a decision that I made after a period of deliberation: choosing to focus my attention and energy on my personal practice rather than finding work with another organization.

Yet, before making this decision, I needed to realize that there even was a decision to make in the first place. Prior to that, I was floundering in ambivalence-land, unsure of what to do, how to make money, and where to focus my energy. I was wavering, bouncing back and forth between possibilities, and waiting and hoping for something or someone to come along and work it out for me. As a result, I felt agitated, insecure, flatlined, and, for lack of a better word, mushy.

However, I finally realized that it was time to make a decision: to look at my options and choose one to commit to.

That awareness alone created a shift. Suddenly, I felt more alive, energized, and inspired. I also felt more afraid, a sign that I was onto something. And then, after making a definitive choice a week or so later after outlining the options, I experienced a shift again: I felt powerful, strong, clear, motivated, and excited (not to mention moments of terror, which I again saw as a positive sign that I was onto something big).

Most of the time, we avoid making decisions out of fear: fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of suffering, fear of loss. However, in doing so, we abdicate our personal power and swim in a sea of mediocrity. We feel safe, we feel comfortable, we feel numb, and our sense of self-worth is challenged.

The remedy? Make a decision.

Yes, you will probably feel afraid; you will probably hear a lot of negative self-chatter along with self-doubt. You will experience all the things you got to avoid by not making a decision in the first place.

However, you will also likely experience many of the things I did: power, confidence, clarity, focus, inspiration, motivation, connection, passion, and vitality.

So, whether it’s what to have for dinner, where to move, quitting your job, or running for office, make a choice and stand in it. Dive into the current, and let it take you to those places you never dreamed of.

We’ve all done hurtful things – unkind words spoken, harmful behaviors enacted, and mistakes made. After all, we’re human – it’s a given that we will hurt one another.

However, when we don’t take accountability for these behaviors and carry on with our lives, we are left with unfinished business. In our heart of hearts, it becomes impossible to truly move on. Instead, we lose the opportunity to grow, to offer healing to ourselves and others, and to learn from our mistakes in an embodied (taking action) way. It is not enough to know that we’ve made a mistake – forgiveness, healing, and growth becomes real when we actually do something about it.

Reflect on your relationships. Is there someone in your life, past or present, where there are things left unsaid? Is there anyone who you could possibly run into with whom you’d be afraid, uncomfortable, or awkward seeing? Is there anyone in your life who might have a grievance or issue with your behaviors, be they past or current?

Regardless of their part in the relationship, find the courage to take responsibility for your part. Humble yourself. Acknowledge what you can, or could have, done differently. Own your mistakes.

Then, if it’s under your control to contact or reach out to the person or people, do so (if not, write down the following simply instructions, then burn the paper).  Let go of needing them to do or say anything; simply acknowledge your part and behaviors, what you would have liked to have done (or can do) differently, and ask if there’s anything else they would like from you. Be open. Be curious. Be humble. Leave nothing left unsaid on your part. This becomes a gift not only for others, but also for yourself – this is freedom.

This one-minute micropractice is simple, powerful, and can be done right now! Benefits include feeling simultaneously relaxed and energized, calming the mind, attuning to a natural pace and rhythm, experiencing stillness, and being present.

1. Sit comfortably with your hands in your lap, spine upright, feet flat on the floor

2. Close your eyes

3. Inhale deeply and slowly through your nose, filling your chest and belly with air

4. Once your lungs are full, allow the exhale to happen naturally through your nose, without effort

5. Repeat this three times, using the breath to massage the insides of your body on both the inhale and exhale. Pay attention to the inner sensations in your nose, mouth, throat, lungs, belly, back, muscles, and bones as you do so.

6. Repeat again three times, breathing loudly enough to hear the air as you inhale and exhale. Imagine the sound of the air passing through your nostrils like waves on the ocean. As you inhale, feel and visualize the wave washing over your entire body from head to feet. As you exhale, feel and visualize the waves going out from your feet to your head.

7. Open your eyes. While remaining seated, gently shake and wiggle your body.

8. Repeat this micropractice throughout the day!

We all carry some degree of shame about ourselves. Shame about who we are, what we’ve done, and our less-than-perfect qualities.

To avoid feeling our shame, we try harder to be better, wear false masks to hide, numb, distract, or turn to addictive behavior. We spend our lives running from the shame.

Our liberation comes when we can be with and feel the shame, accepting and loving all of who we are, including who and what we most are afraid of being.

Think of a label or judgment that you fear or resist (imagine the worst insult or name you could be called or known for). Some examples include cheap, violent, abusive, loser, ugly, beautiful, wishy-washy, feminine, masculine, sweet, bossy, controlling, lazy, addictive, wimpy, or mean. Choose one.

Now, imagine that this quality or trait is true about you. Often, we do carry some degree of what we most fear or resist, so accept the possibility that it is true.

As you imagine it to be true, notice what feelings arise. Notice your resistance and shame to accepting it as true. Notice the fear. Notice the judgment. Notice the avoidance, rationalization, or defensiveness.

As you become present to the feelings, feel them and take deep, full breaths. Open your heart and allow it to be full. Notice the places where you constrict, and bring your attention, breath, and love to those places. You may feel very uncomfortable; it may be painful. Be gentle with yourself, continuing to bring compassion and empathy to the scared, shameful, and tight places.

When we can accept, love, and embrace all of who we are, as we are, no matter who or what we are, we become free. There is no need to run, numb, or avoid. We can accept the worst in ourselves, and love ourselves regardless. From this place of freedom, we can then choose new ways of behaving sourced in conscious action rather than reaction.

Our lives are full; sometimes, they are full with things that we love and want to be doing; other times, they are full with distractions, unpleasantries, chaos, and busy-ness.

As masterful as we’ve become around multitasking and getting things done, few people have mastered the art of simply doing nothing. We have forgotten how to simply be, here, now.

Commit to spending at least five consecutive minutes doing absolutely nothing. Sit, stand, lay down (don’t fall asleep), and just be. During this time, all thoughts, emotions, and experiences are welcome and valid. No need to engage them – just observe and be. You may feel challenged – this might be unfamiliar and awkward – but stay with it. Notice how you feel both before and after.

The potential benefits? Being present; experiencing calm and groundedness; greater awareness of authentic needs, wants, and desires;  intimacy and connection to yourself, others, and the Divine; getting off autopilot and returning to a natural pace and rhythm.

In his book, “The Presence Process”, Michael Brown says, “We embark on the journey into authenticity by admitting we don’t know what unconditional love is. Unless we place the example of unconditional love in our own experience through our own unconditional behavior toward our discomfort, the revengeful activity of our misguided child self continues to frustrate us.”

Often, our inability to love unconditionally shows up as trying to change or manipulate our experience in order to feel something different. We feel anger, and suppress it through positive thinking or rationalization. We feel sadness, and numb it through eating or watching TV. We feel grief, and avoid it by drinking alcohol or smoking. Simply put, we avoid and resist giving love to those emotions.

Today’s dare is to be present with whatever emotions arise. Feel them, breathe with them, notice them, offer them compassion and empathy. Love them as they are, even if they are uncomfortable. In this way, we learn to cultivate unconditional love for both ourselves and for the present moment.